Drawings Of My Stupid Brother App

Drawings Of My Stupid Brother

We all did it when we were kids. We all drew pictures of our stupid brothers… Isn’t it time that we finally expose them to the light of public domain?

Now with the advent of sophisticated touch-devices like the iPhone and iPad, you can share these hidden masterworks with the world!

You start by providing detailed information about yourself, your family, drug history, allergies and known or suspected affiliations with left-wing groups. Concerned about having to re-enter things later? Don’t be. The app keeps all this information securely on its internal network of servers, and conveniently remembers your most personal information the instant you login again.

Next ask your Mom to scan and email one of the many drawings you did of your stupid brother. If she’s not that technically savvy, ask your folks to hold the drawing up to their FaceTime camera while you snap a screenshot. Then submit it, sit back, and watch the memes begin.

How does it work?

Designed by the U.S. State Department, Drawings Of My Stupid Brother App uses facial recognition to guess which stupid brother you drew. It does this by searching its vast database of recordings made at entryways to stadiums, airports and casinos to track where your stupid brother has been and where he’s likely to go next. It’s like turning on Lo-Jack for your stupid brother.

As soon as your drawing is live, alienated brothers just like you can use the following criteria to rate it:

  1. if you remembered to draw the nose
  2. which of you was the cowboy and which was the indian
  3. hints of youthful aspirations toward nationalism

It’s fun for the whole family!

Why Was This App Banned? unrealistic dynamite effects, synth guitar licks passing as real
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Unexplainable X-Rays App

Unexplainable X-Rays App

Got a crazy x-ray of yourself and want to get it out there into the public domain? Now there’s an app for that!

Remember the missing gerbil incident? You said it would never happen again. Then it did! LOL! Certainly we can joke about it now… but the memories are so distant. And who wants to search through health files or dial the emergency room again just to find your scratched-up old x-ray?

After today’s hi-res update for iPad and iPhone 4, that memory is just a “touch” away.

An iPhone X-Ray App like no other? This unique personal photo-sharing collection requires no description for any image. Just upload and tag each one using a convenient and ever-expanding dropdown list (“nail,” “scissors,” “lost beads” or “stuck fist”) and the app’s internal sorting methods will organize the rest. Nothing is news to this wild and wacky community.

Why Was This App Banned? Apple’s Manager of iPhone App Quality and Suitability writes: “While I get it and had hours of fun testing the app with my own x-rays, our legal team really found this app both suggestive and well out of bounds.”
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Bomb Muslim Stereotypes App

Bomb Muslim Stereotypes iPhone App

A multiple-choice game app that enables you to identify and destroy stereotypes about Muslims. You’re shown four purported stereotypes. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to pick the one that’s a real stereotype. An example to illustrate:

  • Muslims appreciate Western influence but don’t know how to show it.
  • Muslims are voracious readers with an uncontainable curiosity about people whose values and life experience differ from their own.
  • Muslims wear turbans.
  • Muslims are an imminent threat to the Asian subcontinent.

Tricky, isn’t it? They all sound good. The third choice is a true stereotype, because although we think they do, not all muslims wear turbans. It’s hard to believe, but many don’t wear any identifying headgear. Of those that do, more than half wear uv-protective masks called “burqas” because women shouldn’t provoke the desire of their male counterparts. Every correct answer gains you a token, every wrong answer takes your token away. Your goal is to collect nine tokens.

For every correct guess, you see the correct stereotype blown up, preceded in stereo by audibly realistic airplanes flying overhead. You want to listen to this with your headphones.

Originally published Nov 12, 2009* app review re-published in honor of Everybody Draw Mohammed Day

Why Was This App Banned? protests from Human Rights Watch and the Center for the Propagation of Competing Ideologies
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Golden Twittle App

Golden Twittle

Twitter iPad App featuring omakase (our choice) of the worst of twitter. Just launch Golden Twittle, provide your Twitter login credentials and the app replaces your entire follow list with our own choice of insipidly delicious twitter celebrities.

This is what you’ve been waiting for. Finally you’ll always be up-to-date on Ashton Kutcher’s impressions on the typography of truck mud flaps! Stop losing sleep over which wire bra is best best for you: just read Madonna’s 140-word review and your decision is made!

It’s time to embrace life again, unfiltered except by us. The Golden Twittle App is Nearly Banned Apps’ first and only iPad app for Twitter. Get it while you can, before it gets… damn, it’s already been pulled.

Why Was This App Banned? licensing, privacy concerns, compromises national security
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Receipt Faker App

Receipt Faker for iPad

Tax time fast approaching? Are you in for an audit and have nowhere to turn? Then Receipt Faker is the iPad app for you.

The Receipt Faker App ties into your Yelp, Google Checkout, Amazon and eBay accounts and tracks the most likely restaurants and supply stores that you already make purchases from, adds in a few recommended suppliers, and creates fake receipts for you. Could it be more simple?

Just type in what kind of trouble that you are in, identify your business type and provide a few billing essentials and Receipt Faker does the rest. In no time at all you’ll be receiving fake printable receipts in your email inbox as if you were actually honest.

Best of all, Receipt Faker is tax deductible!

Why Was This App Banned? fraudulent activity, onscreen cigarette use
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Gin-Pickled Tongue App

Gin-Pickled Tongue

Ready for the most offensive iPhone app ever? Demons are about to be unleashed so if you happen to be weak-stomached, please skip now to our previous app review. We warned you…

Gin-Pickled Tongue is hands-down THE most offensive app we’ve come across. The app’s premise is fine… that “victims of priest sex offenders” need a place to network with each other. And this app delivers on that growing demand. Okay. Fine. The official description seems sincere. Well-intentioned people probably put this app together. But here’s the rub… Of all the possible names, why call the app GIN-PICKLED TONGUE? Think about that title for a moment…

The description:

The first-of-its-kind social networking app for victims of priest sexual abuse. Hosted by “Friends & Family of Priest Sexual Abuse” (FFPSA), Gin-Pickled Tongue’s sole purpose is to build a vibrant and active community of faith among survivors who live daily with traumatic and unknowable memories. Chat now with people who share your experience. Reach out to that special someone who knows what you’ve been through. Even when you’re not feeling social, this tiny yet powerful – and sometimes lifesaving – app provides you with immediate support and understanding affirmations. You are not alone. It wasn’t your fault.

Why Was This App Banned? "Friends & Family of Priest Sexual Abuse" discovered as front organization for Scientology
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Yoda Bong Origami App

Yoda Bong Origami

The instructional app for how to fold your favorite Star Wars action figures, with bongs, out of paper.

We reviewed this a year ago when the app designers initially tried to release it for iPhone and iPod Touch. But the instructions were pretty hard to follow, given all the zooming in and out.

But this time around we’re looking at it on a preview version of the iPad. Both of us are agreed. Yoda Bong Origami is fantastic on a large screen. Almost feels made for this device. Really crisp. Instructions are easy to follow and the two we folded up – “Darth Bong” and “Queen Padmé of Nabong” – look pretty sweet. Unfortunately, you wont get the chance to fold your own because the app didn’t make it past App Store censors. Again…

Apparently you need permission from Lucasfilm, Fox Home Entertainment and a smarmy guy named “Stuart” at the Jim Henson Company before releasing an iPhone or iPad app using the Star Wars brand. That must not have seemed obvious to the designers until a 19-page cease-and-desist order arrived. Even the Yoda Bong Marketers Association threw its rasta hat into the ring.

Why Was This App Banned? legal entanglements
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World's Biggest Porkchop App

World’s Biggest Porkchop

How does your porkchop stand up to the competition?

Don’t let Guinness Book Of World Records tell you whose porkchop is biggest. This app gives you the ability to decide with like-minded enthusiasts.

Share a photo of your giant porkchop and watch as the pork community votes your gorgeous specimen into the record books.

Why Was This App Banned? insufficient funds
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Nipple Height App

Perky Nipple App for iPhone

Put the nature of stats back into nurture!

Have you struggled since grammar school to see through mini dresses, halter tops and underwire bras in an obviously desperate attempt to gauge your compatibility with random female torsos? Do you trust augmented reality statistics – the result of advanced maths – over your own inexperienced guesswork?

The Perky Nipple App is here to assist in its small, upstanding way. It can’t overcome the iPhone’s admittedly 21st century technology, but it can augment its limits by adding a feature men often wish that women came with: a stats sheet.

Every boy digging through Dad’s desk knows how useful stats can be. Perky Nipple promises to be just as trustworthy as the flip side of a playboy centerfold spread, only without the bubbly signature. What male brain isn’t hardwired to remember 35″x24″x34″ (all-American girl Sandy Johnson, Miss June, 1974). Or Miss months before that: 34″x24″36″.

Simply point your iPhone camera at any woman and pretend to innocently take snapshots. With Perky Nipple in your pervy app arsenal, you’ll see a hovering graphic that instantly provides her three most relevant stats. Don’t like the results? Wobble your iPhone a little and the stats get amplified by beer goggles.

Why Was This App Banned? unreasonably sexist valuations of women
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Monkey Trial Dance Steps App

Monkey Trial Dance Steps

Recreate the “Great Monkey Trial” of Dayton, Tennessee through song and dance.

This app features more than thirty unlicensed monkey-themed song and dance steps about the “trial of the century.”

The Scopes Trial pitted two of the greatest legal minds of the 1920s – William Jennings Bryan vs Clarence Darrow – in an arm-wrestle of wits over Darwin’s controversial belief in scientific evidence. Featuring song and dance numbers from such period hits as “Give Me That Old-Time Religion” and “There’s a Monkey in My Bloodline, Get it Out, Get it Out!”

Why Was This App Banned? regionally provocative, also unlicensed songs
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