Dianetics Jr: The Scientology iPhone App

The rumors you’ve heard about Dianetics are true…

Scientology is officially going Open Source!

Deep in the hallowed halls of the Church of Scientology Celebrity Center, the collected dictaphone recordings of Dianetics founder and science fiction eccentric L Ron Hubbard have been a closely guarded secret. His musings on life, spirituality, casual attire and the symbiotic relationship of humans to non-terrestrial life forms have never before seen harsh light of earth days. You have to clear levels and reach deep into your pocket just to glimpse Hubbard’s epic human battle against complexity and ambiguity.

But that’s yesterday’s Scientology. This summer, with the release of the first official Scientology iPhone App, access to the one true universal power just got easier.

We’re offering the unedited comments of our founder, in his own voice, to the eager world – entirely free! No financial obligations, no power of attorney waivers, and no abusive church hierarchy. Not even extortion. This is our promise to you.

We are sick of seeing free literature about the old religions in every hotel drawer and in the war chests of every election campaign. We’re ready to supplant that community of faith and influence. Plus, we’re doing all religions one better, having arranged with Apple to ship every iPhone and iPod Touch with the Dianetics Jr. App pre-installed.

Alongside the Hubbard Recordings, the church is introducing an all-access path via free Detoxification iChat. We’re staffing up, and making available to you thousands of volunteers waiting to chat directly through the app – these are skilled Dianetics technicians who have crossed The Bridge, and now they’re available to help you take the first step on your path to total freedom.

[guest edited by ANONYMOUS]