Tag Archives: augmented reality app

Nipple Height App

Perky Nipple App for iPhone

Put the nature of stats back into nurture!

Have you struggled since grammar school to see through mini dresses, halter tops and underwire bras in an obviously desperate attempt to gauge your compatibility with random female torsos? Do you trust augmented reality statistics – the result of advanced maths – over your own inexperienced guesswork?

The Perky Nipple App is here to assist in its small, upstanding way. It can’t overcome the iPhone’s admittedly 21st century technology, but it can augment its limits by adding a feature men often wish that women came with: a stats sheet.

Every boy digging through Dad’s desk knows how useful stats can be. Perky Nipple promises to be just as trustworthy as the flip side of a playboy centerfold spread, only without the bubbly signature. What male brain isn’t hardwired to remember 35″x24″x34″ (all-American girl Sandy Johnson, Miss June, 1974). Or Miss months before that: 34″x24″36″.

Simply point your iPhone camera at any woman and pretend to innocently take snapshots. With Perky Nipple in your pervy app arsenal, you’ll see a hovering graphic that instantly provides her three most relevant stats. Don’t like the results? Wobble your iPhone a little and the stats get amplified by beer goggles.

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Why Was This App Banned? unreasonably sexist valuations of women
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Notches In My Belt App

Notches In My Belt

Are you having trouble keeping track of the names and details of your sexual conquests? Isn’t it impossible remembering what attracted you in the first place? If your life revolves around today’s faceless clubs, faceless coke, faceless cocktails and bland, muffless lady parts, how can one tryst NOT blend into the next?

Lucky for the man about town, there’s an app for that.

Combine AT&T’s lax security with the iPhone’s address book and its augmented reality capabilities, and you’re ready to make good on your oh-too-frequent promise to “be a decent human being and remember someone’s god damn name in the morning.”

Simply tap your fingertips under the patented “skirt proximity” detector to see at-a-glance which venue you should enter and which you’d better not. How about an example? Let’s say you’re outside The Griffin in LA. Just launch Notches In My Belt and point it at the door. The following augmented reality data bubbles appear over the building:

• The number of ladies (or men) that you’ve slept with who are currently in the bar
• Their names and how you rated them
• Snapshots that you took while each one was sleeping
• Their sexual foibles and whether or not they had a hot friend you might like to move onto

There’s also an online bragging rights component that tracks your scores! With Notches In My Belt for the iPhone, you can be The Man and have the pictures to prove it!

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Why Was This App Banned? JC Penny called, they want their icon back
This app released on | Also tagged ,
Warm Towels App

Warm Towels iPhone App

This new app from Taiwan finally provides a convenient two-compartment storage space, within your iPhone, for virtual towels.

Ever step out of a shower only to find your boyfriend or husband snatched the last towel? How annoying is that? Instead of getting mad, or worse getting even later tonight, just launch the Warm Towels App for iPhone and you’ll have two “furnace-warmed” virtual towels, one to throw on the chilly tiles of the bathroom floor, and another to wrap around that rockin’ torso that gained you so much unwanted attention in your teens. Towels are heated naturally and efficiently by harnessing excess heat generated by the iPhone. Best of all, your virtual towels never require washing or folding. And there’s virtually no drying time so that “mildewy towel smell” (that the man in your life seems never to notice) will be a thing of the past.

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Why Was This App Banned? Apple censors write: “...how many times do we have to request you not to make up shit about our devices? Though we can't comment on future products, we assure you that the iPhone never has and never will heat towels, virtual or otherwise.”
This app released on | Also tagged , , , ,

Perky Nipple App for iPhone

Put the nature of stats back into nurture…

Share
Why Was This App Banned? unreasonably sexist valuations of women
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , , ,

Notches In My Belt

Are you having trouble keeping track of the names and details of your sexual conquests…?

Share
Why Was This App Banned? JC Penny called, they want their icon back
This app released on | Also tagged ,

Warm Towels iPhone App

Ever step out of a shower only to find your boyfriend snatched the last towel…?

Share
Why Was This App Banned? Apple censors write: “...how many times do we have to request you not to make up shit about our devices? Though we can't comment on future products, we assure you that the iPhone never has and never will heat towels, virtual or otherwise.”
This app released on | Also tagged , , , ,