Tag Archives: banned iPhone app

World's Biggest Porkchop App

World’s Biggest Porkchop

How does your porkchop stand up to the competition?

Don’t let Guinness Book Of World Records tell you whose porkchop is biggest. This app gives you the ability to decide with like-minded enthusiasts.

Share a photo of your giant porkchop and watch as the pork community votes your gorgeous specimen into the record books.

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Why Was This App Banned? insufficient funds
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Road Head 2 Bumper Skitching App

Road Head 2: Bumper Skitching

Seems like we’ve been reviewing banned apps forever. You’d think by this time we’d be desensitized to the crazy/offensive/foolish apps people think they can sneak past the App Store censors. But every once and a while… a gem like this comes along to surprise us.

After Road Head was banned a few months back, we thought we’d heard the last from this NSFW app developer. Well, here comes a sequel. But this time instead of trying to drive while distracted, you’re one of the kids in the backseat…

“Try to catch glimpses of your hot new Stepmom as she pleasures your Dad in the front seat – while you pretend to be asleep in the back! You and your Dad score for every second that you go undetected.”

For a more extreme experience, you can play the second level where you’ve fallen out of the back seat and now hang off the bumper for dear life, skateboarding (bumper skitching, for those not in the know) while covertly sneaking peeks.

Still can’t get enough parent-on-parent action?

Advanced level: no skateboard – just snow and ice and your Converse All Stars by John Varvatos. (Did this really get a sponsor?) Now you have to keep an eye out for patches of de-iced road.

Super advanced level: She’s your real mom and you get sick each time you look. But you can’t help yourself.

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Why Was This App Banned? depicts uncompensated sex acts
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , , , ,
Mormon Caffeine App

Mormon Caffeine iPhone App

Defiling the temple of the lord one digital caffeine molecule at a time.

Turn your iPhone or iPod Touch into a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints-approved soda pop machine.

Featuring favorites like Shasta, Dr. Pepper and Diet Sunkist, buying a soft drink is as easy as upgrading a level. Add your real money (50¢ each via OneClick) and watch as a pop can virtually tumbles into view. Tap the top to hear the can crack open. Tip your phone to your mouth to hear caffeinated soda-gulping sounds. Your friends will think you’ve gone over to the dark side until you show them that it’s all just an entertaining, pocket-change-losing past time.

If the refreshing taste of caffeinated soda doesn’t get you all wired up, Mormon Caffeine features two hidden extras! Shake your iPhone to change the entire app to a hospital coffee dispenser! Shake it again to switch the app to a seedy liquor store open 24/7. It’s like three prohibitions in one! Every version accepts your real money in exchange for clean, innocent fun. So you can get a faux fix while remaining a faux angel!

Joseph Smith would be laughing in his grave if he could get a hold of this nearly banned app.

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Why Was This App Banned? inappropriate use of game levels, theism-bashing
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , ,
Road Head iPhone App

Road Head

While your partner pleasures you, your task is to drive through a small town past cops, past snooping neighbors, and past honking truck drivers. Just try to keep your cool against the natural tendency to swerve and accelerate erratically. The main goal of the game is to get your kids (in the back seat) to school on time.

This unique driving application nearly got the development team arrested while play-testing.

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Why Was This App Banned? does not perform as frequently as advertised
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , , ,
Liquid Courage App

Liquid Courage App

The drunk dialing app for middle management.

Have you climbed your way into the middle rung of a Fortune 500 but the top guys conspire to block your every promotion? If so, your luck is about to change.

Will it change for the better? Probably not. But you don’t belong at the top anyway, so why not go out with a bang?

Like the previously banned Drunk Dialing App, this latest nearly touchless app Liquid Courage deploys three undocumented iPhone features, including the now famous exploit “inebria equilibrium detectofactor” to determine just how drunk you are. When it thinks you’ve got the “most balls,” the Liquid Courage App provokes you with condescending slights in voices that simulate your boss’s boss’s boss:

“Ever consider a different career?”
“Sorry were you saying something?”
“We had a great time last night. Everyone was there – I’m surprised no one thought to invite you.”

The app keeps provoking you with verbal challenges until it hears you shouting back. At this point, Liquid Courage immediately auto-dials the public message system at your workplace for everyone to hear you rant and rave. Let’s face it, you’ve been miscast for some time now and this little app can help create the perfect end to an imperfect career.

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Why Was This App Banned? inaccurate representation of iPhone hardware features, promotes a post-ironic usage of baby carriages in bars
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , ,
The Secret Power App

The Secret Power App

Ah, the power of mysterious hand gestures! They are the ultimate way to get the upper hand in any conversation. By priming the pump with the perfect hand gesture you won’t need old fashion techniques like words and charisma to land that job you’ve always wanted or woo the lady you’ve been oogling at the office. The eyes may be the window to the soul but the hand is the gateway to satisfaction when it comes to meeting people for the first time.

To dominate any situation with the wave or your hand, it’s as simple as one, two, three:

1. Choose from our easy-to-use dropdown menu of various targets and situations that best match yours
2. Quickly practice the animated hand gestures that appear on your screen to maximize conversation dominance
3. Approach your mark and enjoy your new long term relationship, job, pay raise or cheap sex

It’s that easy!

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Why Was This App Banned? ineffectual, compromises magician’s code
This app released on | Also tagged , , ,
Skinny Foodie App

Skinny Foodie

A restaurant recommendation app that only works when it thinks you’re svelte as a gazelle. Using advanced physiognomic motion calculations, the Skinny Foodie iPhone app compares your motions to its sliding-scale database of skinny-to-obese human motion. If it determines your movements are less-than-fit, the app locks you out of its foodie recommendations, and instead offers you scolding diet and exercise advice. If you’re willing to listen to its sage free tips, you’ll be a fit foodie in no time. The perfect app for those who love eating, for those with difficulty resisting molten chocolate lava cake, and for those who appreciate machines telling them what to do.

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Why Was This App Banned? app does not differentiate normal weight gain due to pregnancy, encourages illegal importation and consumption of sugarcane-sweetened Mexican Coca Cola
This app released on | Also tagged , , , ,
Drunk Dialing App

Drunk Dialing

Deploying the iPhone’s revolutionary inebria equilibrium detectofactor, the Drunk Dialing App independently determines if you’re walking straight or if you’re tipping over… If it determines that you’re drunk enough, then it scans your most frequently called/texted phone numbers before zeroing-in on the phone number of anyone you abruptly stopped calling in the week leading up to tonight’s intoxication and debauchery. Then it silently drunk dials that number. If your ex picks up, she or he ideally hears you in your worst, drunk scenarios: propositioning a street urchin, puking in a public stall or attempting to walk a straight line for the cops. Nearly endorsed by Alcoholics Anonymous and Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.

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Why Was This App Banned? no verifiable endorsements, relies on functionality either imagined or unavailable on the touch-sensitive device
This app released on | Also tagged , ,
Bacon Bra App

Bacon Bra iPhone App

Photo upload app featuring women clad only in bacon.

Rumor has it that the developers planned to release a high-end version called Prosciutto Panties App (priced roughly five times what Bacon Bra initially cost) as well as a Dagwood version called Piled-High Mortadella, Salami, Provolone, Meatball, Horseradish and Mayonnaise Lingerie for iPhone.

Unfortunately the startup responsible for these apps abandoned development efforts when rejected by the quick-to-judge App Store censors.

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Why Was This App Banned? fails to deliver on promises
This app released on | Also tagged , , ,
Scratch And Sniff Pyramid Scheme App

Scratch ‘N Sniff Pyramid Scheme

Congratulations, you may have just lost $6.99 on this app, but you’re about to be rich. You see, your friend who recommended it just walked away with a cold, clean $1.99 dollar bill and now it’s your turn. Drive your friends crazy with this practical joke. Your friends will grind their fingernails to bleeding nubs before they figure out that they, like you, bought into a technological hoax…and when they do, it’ll be too late because you too will be $1.99 richer!

Here’s how it works:

Set the trap by having a stooge confirm the sweet aromas coming from a strawberry displayed on your iPhone’s screen as they scratch their fingernails across it. Swipe to another fruit or to an Oreo Cookie and repeat the process. “Oh my God in heaven, this smells exactly like an Oreo! I can almost taste that creamy sugary filling between two chocolate cookie wafers!” Anyone who sees this cunning con pass between the two of you will want to experience the goodness for themselves.

Now that you have everyone’s attention, lure the “victim” further by letting him try. But only when the lemon is visible. When he scratches the screen, he will smell lemon because you have secretly smeared juice on the phone earlier.

Then abruptly take your iPhone back and make up a reason to leave, but not before telling the victim the name of the app (Scratch-N-Sniff Pyramid Scheme) and your full name.

When the victim goes to buy the app, he or she will be asked for the name of the person who referred the app and you will make a cool $1.99 in the process. This is the joke that keeps on giving!

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Why Was This App Banned? user complaints, fosters an unhealthy curiosity about bondage
This app released on | Also tagged , ,

World’s Biggest Porkchop

How does your porkchop stand up to the competition?

Share
Why Was This App Banned? insufficient funds
This app released on | Also tagged , , ,

Road Head 2: Bumper Skitching

The long-awaited sequel to Road Head, only this time, you’re a kid in the backseat trying to catch a glimpse…

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Why Was This App Banned? depicts uncompensated sex acts
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , , , ,

Mormon Caffeine iPhone App

The Mormon Drinking App. Sort of…

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Why Was This App Banned? inappropriate use of game levels, theism-bashing
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , ,

Road Head

While your partner pleasures you, your task is to drive through a small town past cops, past snooping neighbors and past honking truck drivers as you try to keep your cool against the natural tendency to swerve and accelerate erratically…

Share
Why Was This App Banned? does not perform as frequently as advertised
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , , ,

Liquid Courage App

The drunk dialing app for middle management…

Share
Why Was This App Banned? inaccurate representation of iPhone hardware features, promotes a post-ironic usage of baby carriages in bars
This app released on | Also tagged , , , , ,

The Secret Power App

Ah, the power of mysterious hand gestures! They are the ultimate way to get the upper hand in any conversation…

Share
Why Was This App Banned? ineffectual, compromises magician’s code
This app released on | Also tagged , , ,

Skinny Foodie

A restaurant recommendation app that only works when it thinks you’re svelte as a gazelle…

Share
Why Was This App Banned? app does not differentiate normal weight gain due to pregnancy, encourages illegal importation and consumption of sugarcane-sweetened Mexican Coca Cola
This app released on | Also tagged , , , ,

Drunk Dialing

Deploying the iPhone’s revolutionary inebria equilibrium detectofactor, the Drunk Dialing App independently determines if you’re walking straight or if you’re tipping over…

Share
Why Was This App Banned? no verifiable endorsements, relies on functionality either imagined or unavailable on the touch-sensitive device
This app released on | Also tagged , ,

Bacon Bra iPhone App

Photo upload app featuring women clad only in bacon…

Share
Why Was This App Banned? fails to deliver on promises
This app released on | Also tagged , , ,

Scratch ‘N Sniff Pyramid Scheme

Congratulations, you may have just lost $6.99 on this app, but you’re about to be rich…

Share
Why Was This App Banned? user complaints, fosters an unhealthy curiosity about bondage
This app released on | Also tagged , ,