The final solution for user submitted image upload apps. Share inappropriately doctored photos of historical monuments and moments. In this community, a vote of “shopped” is a vote of confidence. Banned because of a seemingly inconsequential copyright infringement issue. Down with DRM! Down with the NET Act! And the WWII Historical Society!
Tag Archives: banned iPhone apps
Are you rich? Ready to throw money into the void? Then this luxurious and wasteful $6,000 app is for you. Meant for one-time use, you simply buy the app, register yourself, launch Fly iPhone Fly, and hurl your iPhone or iPod Touch as far as you frickn can. Fly iPhone Fly takes care of the rest.
Putting to use a proprietary tenapracixis that makes ideal use of the iPhone’s aerodynamic styling, this simple app rapidly calculates and sends to our servers your device’s distance, height, spin and velocity while your iPhone (along with your name or handle) fly into the record books. Previous record holders have thrown their touch-sensitive devices off cliffs, out of planes, dropped them from paragliders and even BASE jumped their iPhones off the world’s tallest buildings with mini-parachutes. There’s no end to the fun.
One astronaut is purported to have simply let his iPhone float around within his sleeping quarters for days on end, measuring a record thirty laps around the earth. Think you can beat that? You’re just One Click® away from finding out…
The rumors you’ve heard about Dianetics are true…
Scientology is officially going Open Source!
Deep in the hallowed halls of the Church of Scientology Celebrity Center, the collected dictaphone recordings of Dianetics founder and science fiction eccentric L Ron Hubbard have been a closely guarded secret. His musings on life, spirituality, casual attire and the symbiotic relationship of humans to non-terrestrial life forms have never before seen harsh light of earth days. You have to clear levels and reach deep into your pocket just to glimpse Hubbard’s epic human battle against complexity and ambiguity.
But that’s yesterday’s Scientology. This summer, with the release of the first official Scientology iPhone App, access to the one true universal power just got easier.
We’re offering the unedited comments of our founder, in his own voice, to the eager world – entirely free! No financial obligations, no power of attorney waivers, and no abusive church hierarchy. Not even extortion. This is our promise to you.
We are sick of seeing free literature about the old religions in every hotel drawer and in the war chests of every election campaign. We’re ready to supplant that community of faith and influence. Plus, we’re doing all religions one better, having arranged with Apple to ship every iPhone and iPod Touch with the Dianetics Jr. App pre-installed.
Alongside the Hubbard Recordings, the church is introducing an all-access path via free Detoxification iChat. We’re staffing up, and making available to you thousands of volunteers waiting to chat directly through the app – these are skilled Dianetics technicians who have crossed The Bridge, and now they’re available to help you take the first step on your path to total freedom.
[guest edited by ANONYMOUS]
Soundboard app of the most popular and memorable vulgar tirades in films. “Say ‘what’ again. I dare you. I double dare you mother f’cker say ‘what’ one more goddamn time.”
Google had something new and amazing in store for iPhone users: its new application would have let iPhones make telephone calls, send text-messages, store contact information and browse the Internet. Unfortunately, Apple had other plans.
Before submitting it to the App Store, Google presciently named their new product The Rejected Google iPhone App. This odd name may be the first sign that Google anticipated that their app was destined to be featured on our site.
Not to be easily waved aside, Google released to the public an explainer for how the app was to work:
“Simply put, you install The Rejected Google iPhone App like you install any other. Rejected then writes an open-source operating system called Android alongside the iPhone 3G’s default operating system. The next time you reboot, the iPhone will prompt you with a choice about which OS you’d like to use. If you choose Android, much of the functionality you’ve come to expect from an elegant, integrated software-hardware solution is moved to a new section on the phone called ‘Under third party development, please check back later for beta versions.’ What’s left is a lean, mean phone-calling machine with highly advanced internet access. Plus tons of newly-minted apps, called Gaps.”
Despite its inevitable rejection, anticipation built up for Rejected since it enabled users to immediately switch to a better service provider, however making the switch wouldn’t release anyone still within a 2-year contract with the Dark Lord.
User-submitted photos of faces when resolving constipation. That not enough? Need something more to part with your ninety-nine cents? Just added in version 1.1: Now you can submit where, when and who you left it on. This was such a significant update that they thought it deserved a full tenth of a release.
Kind of self explanatory. Rub your finger vigorously on Gene Simmon’s tongue and he gyrates it. Optional vibrator sounds and effects. Enough said. Formerly called Tongue of KISS App, but even with the name change it was impossible to get it past the App Store censors.
Pure gold, señor. Pure gold. South Park-inspired talking hand app. On launch, you see a live video of a cartoon child’s hand with lipstick and eyelashes painted on it. But this is no ordinary hand, it is a hand bewitched by the six-time Razzie Award winning star of the cult classic Gigli, the multitalented superstar singer and actress J.Lo. Tickle her lips and she woos you with her sexy lopezy latina come-ons. Audio and video clips taken straight out of a torrented version of the celebrated South Park episode.
Flashback one year ago today to a more innocent time, when sounding equal to (or smarter than) our President was as easy as saying to an infant “How big are you? How big are you? Are you this big? Yes you are!” We look back with a sad farewell to a figurative and verbal ‘balance of power’ where any gaffe was forgiven, and any misspeak was taken as a sign – not of unearned confidence, but of cocky leadership and perseverance in the face of one’s betters. If we continue our overadventurous path of electing silvery-tongued demigods, we may be doomed to never again feel or sound as comedically incomprehensible as our elected officials. This is why we at Nearly Banned Apps spent countless hours conceiving and developing an app exclusive to the iPhone and iPod Touch that turns back the clock.
The Curiously Georged iPhone App monitors your outgoing emails and text messages for strings of multi-syllabic words and converts them to Bush-speak. You never know what your recipients are about to read. Sample text such as:
“Our deadline for deciding on Google’s offer to acquire Digg is tomorrow morning at eleven.”
“Too many OB/GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.”
Like a time machine for your pocket, Curiously Georged sends us back to a serene and melancholy eight short years when no one felt excluded from verbal duets with The Decider In Chief. They say there’s an iPhone application for everything. Now we can say with 102% confidence that there may or may not be.
This is the perfect app for the man with a shy bladder or weak stream. How many times have you been caught at the most inopportune moment at a public urinal next to a guy with the gift for gab? When two bull-headed men with shy bladders get caught standing next to one another, it could be an eternity before either one backs away to give the other guy his space. If you are still reading then you know exactly what we’re talking about.
With the iStream Alpha-Bladder App for iPhone, you will never find yourself in these situations again. Just launch the app and in exactly 10 seconds you’ll have what sounds like an impressive alpha male stream that’ll bring confidence to you and will make others respect who you truly appear to be.
Whether you’re relieving yourself at a crowded rest stop or in the privacy of your own home, it’s a win/win because after all, who doesn’t like the sound of a rushing stream when you need to go?
The final solution for user submitted image upload apps. Share inappropriately…
Are you rich? Ready to throw money into the void? Then this luxurious and wasteful $6,000 app is for you…
The rumors you’ve heard about Dianetics are true…
Say ‘what’ again. I dare you. I double dare you…
Google had something new and amazing in store for iPhone users…
User-submitted photos of faces when resolving constipation…
Pure gold, señor. Pure gold. South Park-inspired talking hand app. On launch, you see a live…
Flashback one year ago today to a more innocent time, when sounding equal to (or smarter than) our President was as easy as…
This is the perfect app for the man with a shy bladder or weak stream…