Deploying the iPhone’s revolutionary inebria equilibrium detectofactor, the Drunk Dialing App independently determines if you’re walking straight or if you’re tipping over… If it determines that you’re drunk enough, then it scans your most frequently called/texted phone numbers before zeroing-in on the phone number of anyone you abruptly stopped calling in the week leading up to tonight’s intoxication and debauchery. Then it silently drunk dials that number. If your ex picks up, she or he ideally hears you in your worst, drunk scenarios: propositioning a street urchin, puking in a public stall or attempting to walk a straight line for the cops. Nearly endorsed by Alcoholics Anonymous and Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.
Liquid Courage App
The drunk dialing app for middle management.
Have you climbed your way into the middle rung of a Fortune 500 but the top guys conspire to block your every promotion? If so, your luck is about to change.
Will it change for the better? Probably not. But you don’t belong at the top anyway, so why not go out with a bang?
Like the previously banned Drunk Dialing App, this latest nearly touchless app Liquid Courage deploys three undocumented iPhone features, including the now famous exploit “inebria equilibrium detectofactor” to determine just how drunk you are. When it thinks you’ve got the “most balls,” the Liquid Courage App provokes you with condescending slights in voices that simulate your boss’s boss’s boss:
The app keeps provoking you with verbal challenges until it hears you shouting back. At this point, Liquid Courage immediately auto-dials the public message system at your workplace for everyone to hear you rant and rave. Let’s face it, you’ve been miscast for some time now and this little app can help create the perfect end to an imperfect career.