About to be mugged? It doesn’t have to be this way!

The next time you’re out for a midnight stroll and your sixth sense tells you that you took a wrong turn, just launch Crazy-Talk Mugging Prevention App and start mumbling the stream of incoherent ramblings you hear in your headphones. Even if you dress in your best jeans and digg hoodie, your potential muggers will later swear to friends that the only thing they saw that night was “a crazy, possessed homeless dude”.

With the Crazy-Talk Mugging Prevention App and a little buffo acting, you’ll immediately stop looking like easy mark.

And just in case your potential muggers stick around to watch your entertaining babble, the app provides over fifteen minutes of rants before anyone could detect an overlap.

British localization of I Stole It! Everything you get with the previously banned “high-thievery, Bernie Madoff-endorsed pickpocket app” only less Stateside and easier to bed.

Just added: does something you stole have a barcode? Now you can scan it!

Finally. A calculator for stuff you stole. Keep track as you accumulate CDs… cartons of milk… diapers… anything that’s not tied down. Even something as big as a yacht or as discreet as your mom’s best friend’s panties. Anything added is compared to an online database of products and spits back full-color photos of most items along with current market prices. For the inner Bernie Madoff in us all.

An online leaderboard gives you bragging rights showing how you stack up with your thieving community! Includes daily and weekly breakdowns.