The Kanye Coloring Book iPhone App provides minutes of partially satisfying coloring activity for kids.
Use fingertips to color Kanye West’s teddy bear mascot. As soon as your child gets lost in the colors and forgets what the app is designed to do, Kanye Coloring Book will interrupt playtime… and the teddy bear will say, in Kanye’s voice:
“Ima letchu finish, but your sister is one of the greatest artists of all time.”
Safe for children four and up.
Are you MAD AS HELL that big-government POLITICIANS want to tax rich people to death?
Time to teabag the White House!
Angry that SOCIALISM seems like a viable solution to your neighbors?
Shout them down, along with politicians. You’re uncivil. LET THE WORLD KNOW!
As your political party loses its firm grip on the American horizon, your trusted TV news anchors suggest random absurd ideas for getting back on track.
Start by entering any complaint into the Teabagging Fox App. Almost instantly, Fox & Friends will send you a consultant-researched stunt to try out. Tempted to jump at an idea? Go for it! Connect with peers in a virtual world where you can rehearse your talking points in front of friendly, like-minded citizenry. Once you take your practiced methods to the public square, the communist-infiltrated media won’t know what hit them.
With Teabagging Fox at your fingertips, you can remind those on the more palatable side of civil liberties, health care and a living wage that there are consequences to “Change” without specifics.
Tired of the over-hyped iFarts and Pull My Fingers of the app world? Ready to identify who done it?
Introducing the very first gas attribution app.
Any time you sniff a cloud of wayward gas — in a classroom, in a car or when visiting your grandmother at the skilled nursing facility — just launch Pull God’s Finger App for the iPhone. It uses Apple’s triple-patented onboard ‘scent detection chip’ to its best use yet. As soon as the the app starts, you’ll hear Jesus or one of the children take a deep breath. Then announce:
“The God did it.”
We know who’s behind it all in the end. Yet no app before Pull God’s Finger had the courage to point the finger. And pull.
The one and only truly official Johnson & Johnson Duct Tape iPhone App, containing every known usage for duct tape including such rarities as Bondage Barbie, Sarah Palin’s infamous recipe for “Alaskan squirrel-on-a-stick” and Russ Meyer’s “nipple duct tape trick.” Duct Tape App for iPhone even reveals secret duct tape tips from the hidden underworld of auto mechanics and bondage experts everywhere. Did we mention bondage? Even bondage stuff!
Buy this app and you’ll never think innocently about duct tape again. Special Australian and New Zealand version, simply renamed Power Tape App.
Never lose your toothbrush again! The first and only iPhone app exclusively designed for people who commonly misplace or simply lose their toothbrushes. Like magic, this app keeps track of your toothbrush no matter if you left it: in the shower, on the kitchen sink, in the car on your way to work or in your school locker… It’s as easy as logging into your Apple Mobile Me account and clicking “Find My iPhone.” The same underlying technology that enables you to quickly locate your iPhone also locates your toothbrush. Simply duct tape your toothbrush to your iPhone and this high-tech app takes it from there.
This app is a social networking “game of tag” for sufferers of that inconspicuous itch. It’s a variation on the famous Barrel of Zombie Monkeys game that has infected players all over the world hooking up with other crab owners to see who can affect the longest chain.
It’s all about patience, stamina and frequent visits to the game upgrade clinic.
Finally. A calculator for stuff you stole. Keep track as you accumulate CDs… cartons of milk… diapers… anything that’s not tied down. Even something as big as a yacht or as discreet as your mom’s best friend’s panties. Anything added is compared to an online database of products and spits back full-color photos of most items along with current market prices. For the inner Bernie Madoff in us all.
An online leaderboard gives you bragging rights showing how you stack up with your thieving community! Includes daily and weekly breakdowns.
Are you the Obama of your social circle? Do you mix a graceful speaking style with impeccably coherent content? Does your genius for conversation have people wondering if you’re too good to be true? Yeah, we get that all the time too, so we’re happy to give this “social fixing” app our highest recommendation. This ingenious little app suggests erroneous mashups of common aphorisms, metaphors and colloquialisms. All you do is just pepper them into your conversations.
Three free samples to try out before you plunk down your $1.99. Utter one and pretend that you didn’t notice how badly you mashed-up your metaphors, then kick back and watch as your social value decreases exponentially:
“That’s just six and a half, one dozen of the other.”
“Good Lord I’m tired, I’ve been working like a slave driver.”
“Only those that swallow know themselves.”
The first app that purposefully undermines your social value by tarnishing your silvery tongue.
The iPhone is easy to use, but at what cost? Ease-of-use should never get in the way of the feeling of triumph when you’ve worked hard to understand a sophisticated device. Command Line for iPhone is ready to bring that “subroutine high” back to the consumer.
Launch this incredibly simple app and you’re presented with an old-school C:\> prompt awaiting your input: glowing text on a calming blue screen. The app developers’ attention to geek detail is something to behold. At great effort and expense, it appears they interpolated the iPhone’s native 163 ppi screen down to a fully aliased 6-color CRT monitor. And in order to avoid reminding us of the postmodern age, they disabled the virtual keyboard (harder to do than it sounds!) and in its place, Command Line for iPhone only takes input from any external, iPhone-compatible, usb-powered keyboard or DE-9 joystick.
Ready to pop open the hood and fuck shit up? Once you’re jacked in, just go at it. Command Line gives you access to the entire system. Soon you’ll be writing apps that Apple never dreamed possible on the iPhone. From an ASCI ski game to a powerful “Word virus” there’s no stopping you.
Get Out Of Jail Free
Just like the title suggests, the Get Out Of Jail Free iPhone App gets the buyer out of jail once. For any crime.
You read that right! Any crime. We at Nearly Banned Apps can poke fun all we want, but however we try to spin it, we fail to match the odd audacity of the app’s actual description, so we’re just reprinting it here: