Shopped Megan Fox App

‘Shopped Megan Fox App

This user-submitted photoshopped Megan Fox app has at its core a simple premise. Megan Fox doesn’t look good enough. In fact, she needs a lot of work. And you may be the only one who can save her.

In this game, you start out as a lowly designer and work your way up the ranks at the glossy U.S. celebrity mag Entertainment Weekly. Calling you into the corner office, your editor points at the initial layouts:

“Can you please do something with that? She needs to go on the July cover but I’m just not feeling her.”

It’s true. With ordinary supermodel looks and a complexion most would kill for, Megan Fox isn’t too good for digital touch ups. Take a perfectly healthy 22 year old celebrity “it girl”, marry her with your fly photoshop skills, and see if you can perfect her beyond perfection. Ready to share your vision with the world?

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Why Was This App Banned? partial nudity
This app released on September 8, 2009 | Tagged , , , ,
Ground Control To Space Station x10 App

Ground Control To Space Station X10

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on!

Experience the thrill of controlling the International Space Station (ISS) from your handheld. Anywhere, anytime. Ground Control To Space Station X10 is an open source X10 app enabling you to control the lights, the in-wall speakers and even the full electrical system onboard the ISS.

It’s 2009 baby, and in-orbit cameras and microphones are rigged-up throughout the work and living quarters so you can watch as you let your impish impulses take over the coffee grinder or random power tools 350 kilometers away. All communications are on a nearly-live stream (only an eleven-second delay). The longer you stay online, the more control you’re given. Initially you can only dim lights. As you outlast competition and demonstrate mastery of each level’s play, you eventually gain access to the Space Station’s guidance and navigation systems. Safe for children 12 and up.

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Why Was This App Banned? Apple's beta testing appeared to cause electrical and plumbing problems with the auto-flushing toilets
This app released on September 7, 2009 | Tagged , , , , , , , ,
Lesbians Next Door App

Lesbians Next Door

Soundboard app with eleven super sexy audio clips of lesbians making out on the other side of your bedroom wall. It’ll be like the lesbians next door never moved away. This is one app we really hoped wouldn’t be banned because it is so useful.

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Why Was This App Banned? loud and suggestive bumping and grinding, obviously fake carpet-licking sound effects
This app released on August 31, 2009 | Tagged , , ,
Turbo Encabulator App

Turbo-Encabulator

For a number of years now, work has been proceeding to bring perfection to the crudely conceived idea of a machine that would not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase detractors, but would also be capable of automatically synchronizing cardinal grammeters. Such a machine is the “Turbo-Encabulator App.” Basically, the only new principle involved (since the Retro-Encabulator App of yesterday) is that instead of power being generated by the relative motion of conductors and fluxes, it is produced by the medial interaction of magneto-reluctance and capacitive directance. Special shout out to J. H. Quick for technical guidance.

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Why Was This App Banned? Apple writes: “We handed this around and no one at Apple could figure out what it does or what it refers to. Intriguing, but please resubmit only if description is clearer as to specifics of the app.”
This app released on August 27, 2009 | Tagged , , , , , , ,
glass of bacteria infected water on an iphone app icon

Revenge on Montezuma’s Revenge

“Is the water at this hotel safe to drink? I don’t know… it smells okay.”

Why risk your family’s health and an expensive vacation by letting your nose be the judge of water spoilage?

While the nose can never tell for sure, the Revenge on Montezuma’s Revenge App can determine with higher than 93% accuracy when local water is safe to consume.

Competing water-testing apps require you to immerse your iPhone (and potentially void your Apple warranty). This location-aware app stays dry at all times by linking into area hospitals and morgues to deliver the cold wet facts on the local tap.

At a glance, you can map every local hotspot where people contracted a waterborne illness. Learn what’s really in a town’s water supply – broken down by percentages:

98.9% water
.4% bacterium
.3% urine
.2% sewage
.1% drug-resistant fecal matter
.1% fake blood

Get a leg up on Montezuma with all the info you need before braving those ice cubes in your Diet Shasta.

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Why Was This App Banned? inaccurate representation of functionality, hidden fees to access advertised databases, raw footage fetish
This app released on August 26, 2009 | Tagged , , , , , ,
Wedding Checker App

Wedding Checker

It’s a statistical fact that half of marriages today end in divorce. If you could help stop just one tainted wedding this summer, you would be doing at least two people a great service! Now, imagine being able to do that with anonymity!

That’s where Wedding Checker and its network of autocratic future detectives come into play.

Let’s say that your sister is marrying a used car salesmen from Idaho and you suspect him of being unsavory; just launch the app and type his name into the search field two days before the wedding and a robotic research team will do an exhaustive background check. (A smallish 1-Click™ fee may be required.)

At any time before the vows, secretly plug your iPhone into a set of speakers near the altar and wait! As soon as Wedding Checker App hears anything resembling the phrase, “If there is anyone here who has reason that these two people should not be married”… even you will be surprised to hear the potentially anonymous defamation of his character. If no dirt was dugg up on your potential brother-in-law, it’ll be nothing but wedding bells and candy-coated almonds.

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Why Was This App Banned? depletes national identity resources, also uncritical use of jazz fusion
This app released on August 25, 2009 | Tagged , , , , ,
Road Head iPhone App

Road Head

While your partner pleasures you, your task is to drive through a small town past cops, past snooping neighbors and past honking truck drivers as you try to keep your cool against the natural tendency to swerve and accelerate erratically. The main goal of the game is to get your kids, who are in the back seat, to school on time.

This unique driving application nearly got the development team arrested while play-testing.

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Why Was This App Banned? does not perform as frequently as advertised
This app released on August 24, 2009 | Tagged , , , , , , ,
Liquid Courage App

Liquid Courage App

The drunk dialing app for middle management.

Have you climbed your way into the middle rung of a Fortune 500 but the top guys conspire to block your every promotion? If so, your luck is about to change.

Will it change for the better? Probably not. But you don’t belong at the top anyway, so why not go out with a bang?

Like the previously banned Drunk Dialing App, this latest nearly touchless app Liquid Courage deploys three undocumented iPhone features, including the now famous exploit “inebria equilibrium detectofactor” to determine just how drunk you are. When it thinks you’ve got the “most balls,” the Liquid Courage App provokes you with condescending slights in voices that simulate your boss’s boss’s boss:

“Ever consider a different career?”
“Sorry were you saying something?”
“We had a great time last night. Everyone was there – I’m surprised no one thought to invite you.”

The app keeps provoking you with verbal challenges until it hears you shouting back. At this point, Liquid Courage immediately auto-dials the public message system at your workplace for everyone to hear you rant and rave. Let’s face it, you’ve been miscast for some time now and this little app can help create the perfect end to an imperfect career.

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Why Was This App Banned? inaccurate representation of iPhone hardware features, promotes a post-ironic usage of baby carriages in bars
This app released on August 21, 2009 | Tagged , , , , , ,
Retro Encabulator App

Retro-Encabulator App

The first-in-class encabulator app for the iPhone.

Newly introduced by open source engineering teams the world over, the Retro-Encabulator iPhone App does previous encabulators one better. Early attempts to construct a sufficiently robust spiral decommutator failed largely because of a lack of appreciation of the quasi-piestic stresses. While this sounds simple, the failure rate in regulating heat expansion nears 22% which is higher than any previous app-based encabulator.

Purwell reitmal scanners native to the platform take time to develop, and, as anyone who’s built a new app knows, time equals money. Electrical engineers will appreciate the difficulty of tracking the operating point which is generally maintained as near as possible to the h.f. rem peak. Troubleshooting the retrospoilage takes a delicate balance model which isn’t impossible for the average iPhone user to manage without aid.

This is a distinct advance on the standard in that no dramcock is required after the phase detractors have been remissed.

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Why Was This App Banned? Apple Legal writes: “too specific a sub-genre of geek who would get this app. Based on your record so far we expect more returns than sales, therefore Apple politely declines to partner with you in hosting the Retro-Encabulator on the App Store. We welcome you to resubmit once the app is demonstrated to do something. Anything.”
This app released on August 20, 2009 | Tagged , , , , , , ,
The Secret Power App

The Secret Power App

Ah, the power of mysterious hand gestures! They are the ultimate way to get the upper hand in any conversation. By priming the pump with the perfect hand gesture you won’t need old fashion techniques like words and charisma to land that job you’ve always wanted or woo the lady you’ve been oogling at the office. The eyes may be the window to the soul but the hand is the gateway to satisfaction when it comes to meeting people for the first time.

To dominate any situation with the wave or your hand, it’s as simple as one, two, three:

1. Choose from our easy-to-use dropdown menu of various targets and situations that best match yours
2. Quickly practice the animated hand gestures that appear on your screen to maximize conversation dominance
3. Approach your mark and enjoy your new long term relationship, job, pay raise or cheap sex

It’s that easy!

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Why Was This App Banned? ineffectual, compromises magician’s code
This app released on August 19, 2009 | Tagged , , , ,